If I Don't Make It Back
by The Last Letter
Summary: Ty knows there's a chance he won't come back and he needs to make sure his life will be taken care of.


_We went out for beers and a couple of laughs_

_Knowin' full well that every bad joke that __**Ty**__ told_

_Might be his last_

_So we laughed like the world wasn't at war_

_Said things to him we'd never said before_

_And he teared up as he held up his glass_

_He said, boys, if I don't make it back_

I rolled my eyes at the lame words coming out of Ty's mouth.

"And then the bartender said, 'why the long face?'"

Jack cracked up. Tim cracked up. I forced out a snicker. I didn't necessarily _want_ to laugh at Ty's shitty joke, and if it had been any other day, I wouldn't have. I would have shoved his shoulder and told him to get a life.

Then again, if it truly was any other day, Jack wouldn't have laughed either. In fact, Jack wouldn't be sitting so civilly next to Tim if it were any other day – and vice versa. But, this wasn't any other day. This was the second to last day and tomorrow, only a few hours away from us now, was the last day. The final day; Ty's final day.

God, I sounded so fucking melodramatic. I reached for my beer and downed the last half of it in one go, trying to get rid of the thoughts. There's no such thing as the final day – Ty was going to war but that wasn't necessarily a death sentence. Lots of soldiers came home as veterans, heroes.

And I knew that he wouldn't leave Amy. Heaven, hell, or war wouldn't keep him away from her for too long.

Jack cleared his throat and I glanced at him. Though Jack always carried his age on his face, there was something that looked positively ancient about him tonight. "Ty, I got something to say to you."

Ty good-naturedly rolled his eyes. "Oh no; I know that voice. It sounds like I'm about to get lectured."

"I'm not gonna lecture you," Jack assured him, chuckling, "but you need to know – you are a son to me, Ty. Seeing you go from a delinquent to the man you are now has really been somethin' else and I'm really proud of you. I do love you, Ty."

I saw a tear roll into Jack's moustache and I immediately glanced away. I didn't want to see Jack cry. My gaze fell upon Ty, who also looked overly emotional. I felt a wrench in my gut. If they were saying their goodbyes, did they not trust him to come back?

Tim tapped his fingernail against his own glass. "Ty, you mean a lot to all of us. You mean a lot to my daughter. You are a fantastic young man and I can't imagine life here without you. Come home, safe."

"Will do," Ty agreed, probably glad that, though meaningful, Tim's speech was not as emotional as Jack's.

"Guess that leaves me," I sighed. I took another swig of my beer, trying to think of something to say. I hadn't thought emotional speeches were going to make an appearance tonight – I didn't see the need to say anything to Ty. I figured he already understood anything I might say, and why bother to say it tonight when he was going to come home for me to say it then?

But I realized that though I had faith in him, and outright doubt that anything could happen to him, there was always the chance that something could happen. And if something ever did, I would regret not taking this chance to tell him how much he meant to me.

"Well, we got off to a rocky start," I began and Ty guffawed – it was an understatement – and I gave a laugh along with him, "And I'm not sure when I started to like you. But I did; somehow you became one of the greatest friends I ever had. No, man, you're my brother."

Ty nodded. "Brothers," he repeated, reaching his beer across to mine for a toast. I touched the necks of the bottles together and then Ty stood up.

"You all mean so much to me. Without any of you, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I thank you for that. And it's because I trust you all so much, that I need to say this."

I got the overwhelming feeling that Ty was about to give a goodbye speech and I wanted to plug my ears. If I didn't hear it, he didn't say goodbye, and, as everyone knew, goodbyes were forever.

_Have a beer for me, don't waste no tears on me_

_On Friday night sit on the visitor's side_

_And cheer for the home team_

_Drive my __**truck**__, 90 miles an hour down Red Rock Road_

_With 'Born to Run' blastin' on the radio_

_And find someone good enough for Amy_

_Who will love her like I would have_

_If I don't make it back_

"If something happens over there, I have a list of demands –"

"If I don't listen to you while you're here, why would I listen to you when you're not?" Jack muttered and Ty smirked.

"Good point. But I'm going to demand anyway."

"And now you sound like Amy," Tim joked.

"Oh no!" Ty feigned distress. "But seriously, if something happens I want you all to remember me. When you drink, drink for me but please don't cry for me. I'm not someone to cry over."

I thought of Amy and wondered how he could think that. Hell, not just Amy. If Ty didn't return, I'd probably bawl like a baby.

"And, even though I don't really like sports, I do like causing trouble every now and then." He grinned and met my eyes – his partner in crime when it came to causing trouble. "So sneak on to the high school games and cheer for the home team … from the visitor's side."

I remembered the one other time we had done – how much fun we'd had and the fist fights we'd caused.

"And don't let anything happen to my truck, okay? Drive her, take care of her. Take her on Red Rock and put the pedal down. An' her favourite song is 'Born To Run' so make sure you play that."

"Your truck has a favourite song?" I snorted, but I wasn't surprised. It _was_ Ty after all.

"But this is the most important one, okay?"

Something in his voice changed and I knew then what he was talking about.

"If you don't do anything else, make sure you do this." He paused, "And I know that you'd all take care of Amy anyway, but I need to make sure I ask this. Don't just take care of her, don't just help her live, I want her to fall in love again."

Ty looked like the words were physically paining him and I'll admit they hurt me too. Amy without Ty; Ty without Amy? It was nearly unthinkable but it was clear that Ty had thought about it a lot.

"If I can't be there to love her, it doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve to be loved. Find someone who can be the person I should have been for her, if I don't make it back to her."

_We said, hey, man that ain't gonna happen_

_Don't even think like that_

_If we know you, you'll pull through without a scratch_

_He pulled me aside in the parkin' lot_

_Said, Amy and me we're gonna tie the knot_

_You're my best man, just wanted you to know that_

_Just in case I don't make it back_

"Don't you get talkin' like that Ty," Jacks sounded threatening.

It was bullshit. After an hour of goodbyes, all of a sudden Jack's up in arms about the idea of reality? I wanted to protect Amy from the heartbreak but what about the rest of us? We'd all miss him too but we were already talking like we'd let him go – buried him and placed flowers on his grave.

"You'll come back," Tim added, "We all believe in you."

"You're too much of a lucky bastard to not to; probably won't even get as much as a bruise."

"Me? Lucky?" Ty raised his eyebrows at me.

I shrugged. "How else do you explain Amy?"

That made him smile. "All right, Caleb. You're right – I'm lucky."

"Did Ty Borden just say I'm right?" I cupped my ear, disbelieving. "This truly is a historic moment."

"Shut up," Ty ordered, flicking the bar napkin at me.

I dodged it and scooped it up, poised to throw it back at him.

"Boys," Jack groaned. "Stop. Besides, it's about time we got home. Horses don't care about hangovers and sleeping in."

I was quite sure Shorty had spent enough time with me to fully understand and appreciate a hangover.

We paid and tipped our waitress and made our way out into the parking lot.

"Hey, Jack, uh I'm going to get a ride home with Caleb. Is that cool?"

"Sure, sure," Jack agreed, already climbing into his truck to get home.

I unlocked my truck. Ty and I both climbed in. I slid the key into the ignition but for some reason didn't start the vehicle. We sat in the dark, still, silence for a moment before Ty took a breath.

"Caleb?"

"Ty?"

"You know how Amy and I are engaged?"

"It's hard not to know. I think Amy's so excited she announced it to the universe."

"Well, if we ever get to a ceremony –"

"Can you not be negative?"

"Eh," Ty shrugged. "_When_ we have a ceremony, will you be my best man?"

"I would be honoured."

"I just wanted to make sure you knew that – you are my best man."

"Can't wait to see you in a tux," I said, turning on the truck and hoping that a day would come, very soon, when we would be standing at an altar together, Amy approaching in a white dress.

_Have a beer for me, don't waste no tears on me_

_On Friday night sit on the visitor's side_

_And cheer for the home team_

_Drive my__** truck**__, 90 miles an hour down Red Rock Road_

_With 'Born to Run' blastin' on the radio_

_And find someone good enough for Amy_

_Who will love her like I would have_

_If I don't make it back_

"Ty," I asked, "why are you doing this?"

"Why not?"

"Well, you have a life here. You have a good job, people who care about you, a woman who loves you. Why go fight someone else's war?"

"Because other people deserve that too; why should I be the only one to experience the finer things in life?"

"You could die."

"I know," Ty acknowledged, "but I'm not scared of dying. And I'll miss things here. I'll miss beer, my friends, causing trouble, speeding in my truck, my music, and especially Amy – I'll never miss anything like I'll miss her – but people are dying. And I want to help those people."

"You don't have to go."

"I think I do."

"For God's sake, Ty. Don't go."

"Caleb, you can't change my mind. Others have already tried."

I set my lips. "Fine. If you have to go, then come home."

"That's the plan, but, that's every soldier's plan."

I couldn't say anything else.

_If the good Lord calls me home_

_I'd like to think my friends_

_Will think about me when I'm gone_

"You won't forget me, will you?" Ty asked.

"No, this one-night stand has been the best of my life and I'll totally call you in the morning," I retorted sarcastically.

"Shut up, man."

"You can't make me."

Ty held up his fist. "I can sure as hell try."

"I'm terrified, really." Neither of us said anything as I pulled into Heartland's driveway. "But, no, I won't forget you. None of us will."

We studied the farmhouse.

"It might be better for Amy if she could, if you know, worst comes to worst."

"Don't let it come to worst."

"I'll try." Ty swore.

"I, uh, I wanna let you know that I won't be able to come see you again before you head out."

"I didn't expect you to. But this was a good night."

I nodded. "We'll have to do it again."

Ty's eyes drifted upward, toward the star specked sky. "Someday."

He hugged me then and got out of the car. I watched him head into the house, to Amy's side, and I cried.

_Well, Miller Lite ain't my brand_

_But I drink one every now and then, in his honour_

"I hate you for making me drink this." I look down at Ty's headstone – still looking brand new despite the ten months that have passed.

I imagine him snorting at me and telling me that _his_ brand of beer is better than any swill I consume.

"But, you know, a promise is a promise and I said I'd drink a little something for you."

I popped the top of the can and took a long sip. I made a face.

"But I really don't know how much I can handle."

I poured most of the can into the ground, imagining Ty getting drunk in heaven.

_And we ain't missed a home game yet_

"Well," Tim bellowed in my ear, dodging a punch thrown by a drunken fan of the visitor's team, "this is more fun than I thought it would be."

I landed my fist on an overly rowdy, loud-mouth.

"It only gets better!" I swore.

_Had that __**truck **__at 110 on Red Rock Road_

_When the speakers blowed_

The first time I took out Ty's truck, I was surprised by how fast it could get, for an ancient vehicle, of course. I went and tore up Red Rock Road – the place he had named –and felt his spirit there. I could imagine him taking the same turns, summers ago, with the same song blaring through the same speakers.

And, despite myself, I began belting out the lyrics to 'Born To Run' having learned every word unwillingly. Suddenly, I found myself singing alone. I knew I'd killed the speakers, but I finished Ty's song anyway.

I could practically feel him glaring at me – for the speakers and the shitty singing.

"I'll fix the speakers," I promised him, "Can't say anything about the voice though. Kinda stuck with it."

And then I sung 'Born To Run' again.

_And I introduced Amy to a friend of mine from Monroe_

_He's a good ol' boy_

_But you know, she just ain't ready_

"And this is Matt," I said, gesturing to the homeless cowboy I'd met on this year's rodeo circuit.

"Hello," he said, tipping his hat first to Lou and then to Amy. "It was awful nice of you folks to let me stay here for a while."

"Thanks for helping us out around the ranch," Lou returned graciously. "We've needed an extra hand lately, with Grandpa aging."

There was an awkward pause. Lou spoke again. "Caleb, why don't you get to work while Amy shows Matt around?"

Amy glared flatly at her sister. "What if I don't want to show Matt around?"

"Don't be hateful," Lou smiled through her teeth at Matt. "Sorry, this past year has been hard on us."

"Caleb told me about your boy, Ty."

Amy flinched at the casual use of the name and turned her glare on me.

"I'm sorry. War's a terrible thing."

"Yes, it is." Lou said quickly before Amy could say something offensive. "Why don't I show you around while Caleb gets to work?"

"That would be wonderful."

Lou led Matt from the porch and I went to head to the barn before Amy stopped me.

"Knock it off!" She growled. "I see what you're doing!"

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows, playing dumb, "What am I doing?"

"You want me to like him."

"Contrary to your belief, I'm not interested in your romantic life."

She continued to stare at me and I realized that I couldn't fool her.

"I made a promise to Ty."

"What kind of a promise?" Amy's voice wavered.

"He wanted to make sure that you were loved; that you found someone to take care of you like he wanted to."

"No one can be Ty for me. He's irreplaceable!" She shrieked.

"I know, I know." I pulled her into a hug as she began to shake. "No one is trying to replace him."

"I don't want to love anyone else," Amy sobbed.

"And no one's going to make you." I assured her. "Ty _is_ irreplaceable."

And I began to hum 'Born To Run' as tears streamed down my face.

**Bolded lyrics are ones that I changed to fit the story. The song is **_**If I Don't Make It Back**_** by **_**Tracey Lawrence**_**. I don't own anything recognizable. Thank you to my beta: Roheryn's Knight.**

**~TLL~**


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